What I Wish I Knew Before My First Birth

Mar 12, 2025

I walked into my first birth thinking I was prepared. I had researched. I had written my birth preferences. I had surrounded myself with positive birth affirmations.

But none of that prepared me for the reality of birthing inside a system that doesn’t trust birth.

I thought if I stayed informed, I could avoid unnecessary interventions. I thought my wishes would be respected. I thought birth was something I could control.

I was wrong.

And I don’t say that to scare you. I say it because I wish someone had told me the truth before I gave birth for the first time.

So, this is what I wish I had known.

1. Birth Works Best When It’s Left Alone

I was told that hospitals were the safest place to birth. That monitoring, time limits and medical oversight would protect me.

But I wasn’t told that intervention often creates the very problems it claims to prevent.

I wasn’t told that being in a hospital meant my labour would be watched against a clock. That standard procedures would interrupt my natural rhythm. That my body would be seen as a risk, not a powerful force designed to birth.

I wish I had known that birth is not a medical event. That in the right environment, birth unfolds as it was always meant to.

2. You Can’t Fight a System While Lying on Their Bed

I thought I could advocate for myself inside the system. That if I stood my ground, I could have the birth I wanted.

But when you’re deep in labour, vulnerable and at the mercy of hospital policies, advocacy becomes impossible.

The system does not exist to honour physiological birth. It exists to manage birth. To keep it efficient. To follow protocols that serve the institution, not the woman.

I wish I had known that true birth autonomy means choosing an environment where I don’t have to fight for it.

3. Fear Changes Birth

I wasn’t afraid of birth itself. I was afraid of what might be done to me.

And that fear changed everything.

It stalled my labour. It weakened my voice. It made me doubt my own instincts.

When a woman enters birth fearing coercion, disrespect or unnecessary intervention, her body responds. Adrenaline rises. Labour slows. The very thing she fears becomes more likely.

I wish I had known that fear has no place in birth. That a woman needs to feel safe, supported and undisturbed for birth to flow as nature intended.

4. The System Was Never Built for Me

I blamed myself when things didn’t go as planned.

I thought maybe my body had failed. Maybe I hadn’t prepared enough. Maybe birth really was as dangerous as they say.

But years later, I see it clearly.

It wasn’t my body that failed. It was the environment.

Birth doesn’t fail when it’s trusted, supported and left to unfold naturally. It fails when it is rushed, interrupted and controlled.

I wish I had known that my body wasn’t broken. The system was.

What This Means for You

If you are preparing for birth, know this:

Birth is not something to control. It is something to surrender to.
The right birth environment matters more than anything else.
Advocacy is impossible when you are at your most vulnerable.
Fear disrupts birth more than anything else.
Your body is not broken.

You deserve to enter birth feeling safe, confident and in control of your choices.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have chosen differently.

And that’s why I do what I do. So you don’t have to learn the hard way.

Are You Ready to Trust Birth?

You deserve to enter birth feeling safe, confident, and in control of your choices.